Christian - as you depart for places more western and wild, I urge you to heed the lessons of the story I am to relate to you. Though I have already told you this story - I was drinking free beer, and well - details become irrelevant and lost at a certain point.
My buddy Tom was at a lake house - beautiful, serene, and had nice clean air that makes you feel warm inside and out. Having been there myself, I assure you that this place is an undiscovered paradise - the twin smells of conifer and juniper alone convince you that you are younger than you feel, especially in summer. Anyway, Tom was at the lake house in Northern New Hampshire. We're talking prime real estate here - nice boats, pristine water, and a beautiful dock. Then, suddenly and ominously, birds begin flying out of trees as if sprayed with buckshot, and neighbors closing up their windows. Mothers are calling their kids into the house, and though initially they are reluctant, they too begin to here what's coming down the unpaved drive. The redneck neighbors have arrived.
While he has many stories of the two days the neighbors were there, one story in particular relates to your impending departure.
There is a guy on the dock, pounding beers - I mean just putting these things away. One by one, as if one of them has the precious antidote to cure his sobriety. He is standing in water skis, precariously placed at the edge of the dock. A boat in the lake guns and instantly attracts his attention. He is feeling mighty this day. Yes, today is the day of days. According to Tom, the boat guns a few more times to attract the attention of anyone near the lake or the greater Tri-State area. A holler, soon to live in infamy, is bellowed dockward:
"IS YOU READY!!!!!"
Our water-skiing hero kills the last beer with an aggression he usually saves for gay people and the government. He grabs the rope. Tom is thinking there is no way he will actually live through what is apparently being attempted. He responds:
"MAKE IT HAPPEN CAP'N!!!!!"
(author's note: this very well may be the best call-and-response uttered in the history of mankind)
We all wonder if the soon-to-be-dead water-skier saw and felt this all in slow motion, as Tom did. The rope seemed to tighten up almost immediately after the boat accelerated, but in a circular motion reminiscent of a snake that is being charmed. Fortunately, for the people at America's Funniest Home Videos, our hero does not let go of the rope. Unfortunately for everyone else (and his insurance company), he holds on.
I'm assuming the premise here was to be lifted off the dock and land in the water and ski to glory and the next floating cooler. However, I believe this is as probable as being lifted off and lightly landing on a puffy cloud where you can float the day away and blow out the sun when it's time for all of us in fairyland to go to sleep dreaming of gumdrops and the Care Bear Cousins.
In mere seconds, this guy was lifted out of one of his skis - catching the other on the dock and breaking it - and was pulled about 40 feet in the air before crashing head-first into the lake. If Tom remembers correctly, he thinks the Bulgarian judge took of .25 of a point for making a splash during entry. It was an acrobatic and eerie silence, those 4 seconds he was airborne, but apparently you could hear his shoulders separating as they hit the water.
We shall end here and just say that he survived, but didn't go anywhere near a hospital until he had a beer first.
But Jones, how does this relate to your departure?
It teaches you one of life's greatest travel lessons: Always drive the boat.
IS YOU READY!!!!!!!!!!