Yesterday, Billboard released its top list of "summer songs" and by the beard of zeus, somehow LFO (or Lyte Funkie Ones) found their way into the mix.
To recap:
"Summer Girls" was a summer hit, entering the Hot 100 the week of July 17, 1999. LFO, a trio from Orlando, Florida, originally known as Lyte Funky Ones, relied on lyrics that bordered on nonsense: "Hip-hop marmalade, spic and span, met you one summer and it all began." Along the way, the band name-checks everyone from Kevin Bacon to Paul Revere, along with Abercrombie & Fitch, Michael J. Fox, New Kids on the Block, Larry Bird and William Shakespeare.
So let's take the things that worked for LFO: the nonsense-peddling, smooth talking, transparent-coolness, the constant smirking, and the unrelenting confidence in themselves and apply it to politics. Could it work? Yes. LFO - thy name is GWB.
Think about it. In 1999 we have LFO pretending to be these cool dudes blabbing bizarre crap and people are buying it. Let's compare which is the more insane rambling:
"What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position."
or
"Cheery Pez, cold crush, rock star boogie, used to hate school so I had to play hookie, Always been hip to the B-boy Style, Known to act wild and make girls smile, Love New Edition and the Candy Girl, Remind me of you because you rock my world... ...Think about that summer and I bug, cause I miss it, Like the color purple, macaroni and cheese, Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees..."
One of those was told (or sung) directly to Molly Ivins and the other was not. Unless you tell me, I still can't figure out which is LFO and which is GWB. But I think the point is clear: they both suck goats.
Now the question is how has GWB's hit single lasted for two elections? Last week, I wouldn't have known - but now that I see that (gasp) the record industry has been buying popularity and that right there explains both LFO and GWB. Imagine if a record company like Arista Records (owned by BMG no less) existed ONLY to further the career of LFO. LFO would probably still be on the airwaves singing of Abercrombie & Fitch. However, GWB has his own dedicated record-company flush with cash looking to promote his most vapid qualities while acting like a rogue publicist hell bent on making America love him despite society's better inclinations: The Republican National Committee.
BUT WAIT - is there a connection? Yes. Andrew Lack, CEO of BMG is also a fairly big Republican donor (search fec.gov b/w 1996 and present).
This leads me to believe that the tactics of buying popularity in music are applicable to politics and that in some cases, the exact same people are doing the buying.
So what can we learn from this? Besides the fact that neither LFO or GWB are Lyte, nor Funky (reference GWB's dance on the steps with Ricky Martin. That was easily the most un-funky thing in the history of man)?
Well I think its obvious we need Wilco to run for president.