Esquire Magazine is asking its readers to supply them with content for their monthly What I've Learned section. They do this once a year and it's usally pretty cool when published. So I sent in a few nuggets of knowledge from my very small vault:
-Teachers and people who work in Nursing Homes are not in it for the money.
-I met a girl when I was in middle school. Years later in high school I just knew that I would marry her someday. The lesson here is at any age, you should trust your gut. Just ask my wife.
-Music Industry take notice: I wrote a song from the perspective of Bob Euker's (fictional) illegitimate son, and people actually sing a long at my open mic shows. That is how desperate people are for music that has not been filtered through 15 A&R guys, 12 songwriters, 3 studio doctors and a guest rapper.
-People who like only punk rock can't sing.
-Often I look in my cupboards and can only identify the things I don't want to eat. Then I think about people on this planet who would actually kill another person for just some of what I have in my cupboard alone. Those nights I say grace over Campbell's Tomato Soup and grilled cheese.
-There's a reason they won't give you administrative rights to your work computer, you pervert.
-I once gave a disabled Nobel Peace Prize Winner a piggyback around Washington DC, and you know what he wanted to do? Look for weed.
-I for one welcome our new Google Overlords.