For office bathroom literature, I highly recommend Aaron Karo (especially during non-football months of the year, when Tuesday Morning Quarterback can keep you in there for at least 45 min). The most recent issue got me thinking about why the hell I wear nice clothes when I'm getting on an airplane. He wonders who these people are and why... I attempted an honest answer.

Karo -

though i have never responded to you before, i feel compelled to explain why i wear nice clothes on a plane. and it is simply because i don't know how to fold clothes like the chicks at the Gap so that when i put stuff in my luggage, it doesn't come out all wrinkled. my faulty logic says that if i wear the things i don't want to get wrinkled (like a sports coat that i'll wear only for the first 10 minutes of whatever function or conference i'm going to), they'll be ok. the problem is that sitting on a plane for any time over 1.5 hrs, your shit gets wrinkled. why? because you can't sit in an airplane with a sports coat on w/o it getting wrinkled, yet everytime this is my approach. so you take it off, try and drape it over your legs, get frustrated and uncomfortable, and finally wad it up and rest your feet on it under the seat in front of you. they have little compartments for first class sports-coat-wearers, but you have to smile in an extra how-YOU-doin' nice way to the stewardess to get her to take your coat and put it with those - try doing that with your fiancee sitting next to you (who, i might add, should be totally supportive of this brief flirtation, because we get off the plane, go to her parents and she's pissed because my sports coat is wrinkled and smells like feet). fuck you? fuck me too.

He responds:

in other words, you're fucked either way. my parents got me luggage for my birthday once (i know....) but it has a little compartment where you can throw your shirts and and shit in and they stay pretty wrinkle free... of course, i don't really "dress up" that much anymore... but you know... they (sic) whole thing pretty much sucks!!

K

The moral of the story? It's cool when people write back to you. I have friends who don't get back to me for 3 days. I plan to approach that subject soon, but no one gets back to me.

The internet needs no further comment on Terry Schiavo. I'm not adding my own thoughts here, because others have expressed them far more eloquently than I could. And people, you know it's a pretty sad world when US Rep. Jim Moran is making the most sense out of anyone:

Rep. Jim Moran (D): "I don't know who's right and who's wrong. And that's the point. But 10 courts have heard from all sides, and all of them, 19 judges, many of them conservative judges, have all reached the same decision." ... Every qualified doctor (who has actually examined Schiavo) has reached the same conclusion ...

Terry Schiavo's Husband has somehow been drowned out. Odd.

"Instead of worrying about my wife, who was granted her wishes by the state courts the past seven years, they should worry about the pedophiles killing young girls," Schiavo said, referring to a local case. "Why doesn't Congress worry about people not having health insurance? Or the budget? Let's talk about all the children who don't have homes."


He said U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, who is leading a charge to extend Terri Schiavo's life, is a "little slithering snake" pandering for votes.


"To make comments that Terri would want to live, how do they know?" Schiavo said of the members of Congress who want to keep his wife alive.


"Have they ever met her?" Schiavo said. "What color are her eyes? What's her middle name? What's her favorite color? They don't have any clue who Terri is. They should all be ashamed of themselves."

And last but certainly not least. The 5 major questions from this post at Hullabaloo:

Aren't you aware that George W. Bush signed a law in Texas that expressly gave hospitals the right to remove life support if the patient could not pay and there was no hope of revival, regardless of the patient's family's wishes? It is called the Texas Futile Care Law. Under this law, a baby was removed from life support against his mother's wishes in Texas this month. A 68 year old man was given a temporary reprieve by the Texas courts this month too.


Are you aware that Republicans have voted en masse to pull the plug (no pun intended) on medicaid funding that pays for the kind of care that someone like Terry Schiavo and many others who are not so severely brain damaged need all across this country?


Do you understand that that the tort reform that is being contemplated by the Republican congress would preclude malpractice claims like that which has paid for Terry Schiavo's care thus far?


Are you aware that the bankruptcy bill will make it even more difficult for families who suffer a catastrophic illness like Terry Schiavo's because they will not be able to declare chapter 7 bankruptcy and get a fresh start when the gargantuan medical bills become overwhelming?


Don't you know that this grandstanding by the congress is a purely political move designed to appease the religious right and that the legal maneuverings being employed would be anathema to any true small government conservative?

i feel much better and simultaneously worse.

Is it wrong that I wanted to keep calling him Niles?

I have been doing a lot of traveling lately, and I had the (mis)fortune of flying our country's namesake airline: American Airlines. I don't know if the 3 other people who read this blog have ever flown AA before, but has anyone else noticed the Orwellian-like goodbye from the flight crew?

We've arrived at our destination Washington National Airport and we'd all like to thank you for flying with us here at American Airlines, a member of the OneWorld Alliance.

That line is enough to jar you from your "dear-god-is-the-pilot-drunk-because-the-wing-almost-touched-the-ground" landing shock. I am not sure I am comfortable contributing to anything called the OneWorld Alliance. I am inclined to believe that whatever this alliance is, it probably doesn't promote fair labor standards and is in someway involved in arms-trading.

Biggest indicator of evil? The OneWorld Alliance is stingy with its fucking pretzels.

• I wanted to buy our domain name. However, www.ruleofthumb.com is owned by Jay Caplan. I cannot purchase our namesake because Jay must tell those people still living in 2002 the tricks of car ownership in NYC and how to buy a diamond. Notice in the how to buy a diamond section, there is no mention of finding out what kind of diamond he/she WANTS. Big miss, dude. I have my own philosophies on this subject, and I have concluded that the best way to get a good diamond is to inherit it.

• I played an open mic night last night and ended up with the second to last spot, mostly because I decided at the last minute to play. It is almost cathartic to have a successful call and response during a song about the sadder side of being Bob Ueker's illegitimate son.

lucas: I know you gotta be
crowd: The BEST BOB UEKER!
(repeat 3 times)

• If you ever want to hear a horrible recording of me and my high school friends drinking and singing about going to the prom, please feel free to check out a 2001 This American Life episode (scroll down to "Prom"). The song is "You Said Yes" by a band I was in called Perfect Tom and the Implications. Don't think we didn't know that the singer is tone deaf, but it was the gut talent-be-damned emotion that we were shooting for. Plus, no one else wanted to sing. Real Player needed. Feel free to cringe. I still do.